Finding Good Casual Sex – The “Ins and Outs” (pun intended)

There are a lot of ways to find sex, but sometimes finding casual sex with someone you actually want to sleep with and don’t have to pay for can be difficult.  There are several multi-billion dollar industries that are built on the promise to make you more appealing and/or simply get you laid. This means there are billions of dollars being spent on helping to convince you there’s a way to make it all easier.

Instead of trying to sell you on anything, I’m going to offer up some free advice that’s always worked for me. Here are a few things that are simple but can some time to feel comfortable with and master.

Infiltrate crowds and provide value, then make sure your value is on display in front of the women you want to sleep with. For me, this has usually meant spending more time finding the right group of guys to hang out with at the bar. This may seem counter-intuitive, but it’s the single best thing you can do to increase your appeal. Women want to meet a social guy who is respected and isn’t out looking for chicks. If you go to the bar to make friends and focus more on finding groups of guys in which you can fit in, you’ll be much more successful. Remember, by communicating directly to other guys in the bar you are indirectly communicating to all the surrounding women that you are a social guy with value.

To make this even more actionable, here’s exactly what I do: I like to go to the bar a little early and start talking to the bartender first to warm up. Try to say something about the drinks or what’s on TV to spark up a conversation. Once I’ve had a few drinks and met a few friends around the bar, then the people start coming in and I’ve got a base of people I already know there. I like to use them as connectors. Often times I’ll use the “Barney Stinson” trick of just going up to girls and asking them if they know one of my new friends. It may see really cheesy, but it works all the time.

Another important piece of advice is to use your eye contact very intentionally. Don’t glare into her eyes when you say hi or try to maintain eye contact the whole time. I find girls getting really creeped out by that stuff. That stuff works for male models in Hallmark movies, not at your favorite local bar. You want to seem like your just out looking to make friends and nothing more, at first. The art to all of this is knowing when to pick your spot and give her a look of intensity and passion. Once you feel out the conversation a little bit, say something somewhat sexual (in a playful way) and see how she responds. If she feels comfortable with you and things seem like they’re going well, then give her a look that says “I want you” and turn away to do something else. You want give her a very brief peek behind the curtain, but the goal at this point is to get her wanting more. Once you do that, you’ll know. Then just have a good time and be yourself.

The last important piece of advice I’d give if you’re out looking for casual sex is to let it be known when the time is appropriate that you are not looking for anything. You don’t want a relationship and you didn’t come here just to get laid, but she is driving you wild. Let her respond to that and thank me later. Good luck and don’t forget to practice safe casual sex.

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